Remembering
I have spent a lot of time trying not to think about all my experiences with cancer. I didn’t want it to rule my life. I faced a battle like a lot of people and I have never wanted to consider myself special because of a disease. I guess I never wanted to get over into self pity. I wanted to keep my attitude positive and concentrate on what good things God was going to bring out of the situation. So this is me, remembering.
The first time I ever really noticed that something might be wrong, I was at work. I would get horrible headaches that would go up the back of my neck. I thought they were just tension headaches. I was so stressed out at that point in my life. I had a new baby, I was working, we were in the middle of major financial difficulties and I did not know how to deal with everything at once. So the symptoms I was having, such as fatigue, headaches, insomnia, I just blamed on all the stress and that I was tired from keeping up with a newborn’s schedule. I also was not eating well, if I ate at all. I was stressed about my weight after having a baby.
I was sitting at my desk at work rubbing my neck and trying to relieve pressure on my head and I noticed little lumps. I didn’t want to think the worst but I jumped up out of my chair and ran to the bathroom to see if I could see anything. I kept asking myself “haven’t I felt that before? Everybody probably has those little lumps, right?” When I came out I told two of the ladies that I worked with what I had discovered and asked if they had anything like that themselves. They said no and looked at me like I was crazy. I immediatly called to get an appointment with my doctor.
In the meantime there was google. I searched the internet to try and find out what was wrong. I used the symptom checker and about four different problems came up one of which was leukemia. I was absolutely sure that it was not leukemia. That would be crazy. So I self diagnosed myself that I had cysts and it was probably something to do with my thyroid. I had to wait to weeks to see my doctor. Patience, right?
That’s all I have time to write today. But I want to always sign out with a bible scripture. 2 Timothy 1:7 (Amplified Bible)7For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.
I say this over and over to myself anytime I get anxious or when fear tries to get a hold of me.
Thank you for the prayers, Valorie. I am loving the kindness and support of the people on BFAC.
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Thanks for sharing this part of your story, Leann (lepo). Funny, I couldn’t find a trace of self-pity anywhere in your writing. I get the impression that self-pity is not part of your “skill set”.
Peace Out, Nicole (Lady of the larynx)
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I am glad you found us and please yes keep writing! I have added you into my prayers val